Mauro Nahoum (Mau Nah), José Sá Filho (Sazz), Arlindo Coutinho (Mestre Goltinho); David Benechis (Mestre Bené-X), José Domingos Raffaelli (Mestre Raf) *in memoriam*, Marcelo Carvalho (Marcelón), Marcelo Siqueira (Marcelink), Luciana Pegorer (PegLu), Mario Vieira (Manim), Luiz Carlos Antunes (Mestre Llulla) *in memoriam*, Ivan Monteiro (Mestre I-Vans), Mario Jorge Jacques (Mestre MaJor), Gustavo Cunha (Guzz), José Flavio Garcia (JoFla), Alberto Kessel (BKessel), Gilberto Brasil (BraGil), Reinaldo Figueiredo (Raynaldo), Claudia Fialho (LaClaudia), Pedro Wahmann (PWham), Nelson Reis (Nels), Pedro Cardoso (o Apóstolo), Carlos Augusto Tibau (Tibau), Flavio Raffaelli (Flavim), Luiz Fernando Senna (Senna) *in memoriam*, Cris Senna (Cris), Jorge Noronha (JN), Sérgio Tavares de Castro (Blue Serge) e Geraldo Guimarães (Gerry).

Ain't the blues close enough to jazz?

15 dezembro 2002

Hi, friends. I found this and thought it could interest you 'cause it is funny and relates to blues and therefore to jazz, isn' t it?

If you are new to Blues music, or like it but never really understood the why/therefore, here are some very fundamental rules.

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500
pound". Easy.
4. The Blues is not about choice."You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out".
5. Blues cars are: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is on a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues.You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway; b. jailhouse; c. empty bed; d. bottom of a whiskey glass.
11. Bad places for the Blues: a. Bloomingdale's; b. gallery openings; c. Ivy League institutions; d. golf courses.
12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you older than dirt; b. you blind; c. you shot a man in Memphis; d. you can't be satisfied. And No, if: a. you have all your teeth; b. you were once blind but now can see; c. the man in Memphis lived; d. you have a good retirement plan or a trust fund;
14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.
15. If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: a. cheap wine; b. whiskey or bourbon; c. muddy water; d. black coffee;
The following are NOT Blues beverages: a. Perrier; b. Chardonnay; c. Snapple; d. Slim Fast.
16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken-down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.
17. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie; b. Big Mama; c. Bessie; d. Fat River Dumpling;
18. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe; b. Willie; c. Little Willie; d. Big Willie;
19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
20. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore,etc.). For example: Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.").
21. I don't care how tragic is your life: if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues.

Hope you liked. Love, Conchita.

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